Anonymous asked:Dear Asky, I'm overwhelmed with how much "anti-fandom" I hold for Benedict's straightened slicked-back hair at this week's Star Trek premiere in London. Can you help calm me down? Signed, Amber Waves
Dear Amber Waves,
There, there dear. You are not alone. Come, all of you in the CumberCollective who yearn for a simpler time when Benedict just got out of the shower…
*hold on. I need a minute to “think” about this…*
[20 minutes later]
….with freshly wet hair….
*Oh God. Not again*
[5 minutes later]
…and just let it dry into a mop of, well, a brown mop (Asky is rather worn out now, don’t expect much in the metaphor dept).
Let’s put on some Adele and reminisce.
“I heard that you’re…settled down…”
“Old friend…why are you so shy?…”
“Ain’t like you to hold back…”
“Or hide from the light….”
“….I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it. I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded that for me, it isn’t overrrr….”
“Nevermind, I’ll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you, too. DON’T FORGET ME I BEGGED! I REMEMBER YOU SAID sometimes it lasts in love….”
Here, my babies…
No! No Kleenex for you until you fire your stylist! Now get back in that shower, then sit still in Claire Pritchard’s chair and think about what you did!
PS. I still love you. But sometimes it hurts instead….